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Ever had your doctor ask you if you have a birth plan? Well, when I was asked, my response was, “No, just get the baby out safely.” My doctor sighed a HUGE sigh of relief and said, “Thank GOD.”
Of course, I gave him a puzzled look, and he followed with, “Every mom I’ve had come in here with a birth plan was terribly disappointed, so naturally I’m relieved you don’t have one.” So I guess I made the right decision not to have a birth plan… until it came time to deliver my baby.
My Birth Story: Nothing Prepared Me for That Day
You’ve all seen plenty of movies where women give birth. Some of you have even watched labor videos to help prepare for what to expect. Let me tell you, no matter how many videos I watched or how much research I did, NOTHING prepared me for that day.
Tell me why no one tells you that when you’re not at risk of any complications and are delivering vaginally, you only have ONE nurse coaching you through the process, and your doctor doesn’t actually show up until the very end when your baby is crowning?! That would have been very valuable information to know from my doctor before I was stuck in the room pushing, with my mother (who is not the best coach), while the nurse stepped out to help a patient in pain.
Luckily, I was able to deliver my son within an hour, and the rest is history… until I realized I had to parent him, but let’s leave that for a separate post. 🙂
(That little boy is my Christopher, by the way. He was born in January 2019, and you can read the rest of our story, and believe me, there’s a lot of it, in Where I’ve Been: Our Story, and Why I’m Back.)
Thinking back, I should have had some sort of birth plan. It would have helped me avoid a lot of the anxiety I felt as a first-time mom, when I left every decision about my care to the medical team. That said, there are some things to look out for when making a birth plan.
What Is a Birth Plan (and Do You Need One)?
A birth plan is simply a short list of your preferences for labor and delivery that you share with your doctor or midwife and the hospital or birth center team. Think of it as a conversation starter, not a contract. It can help you think through your options ahead of time and make sure your care team knows what matters to you.
Do you need one? Nope. As you’ll see below, it’s not for every momma. But if you’re the type who feels calmer with a plan (or, like me, you’d have loved to know what to expect), it’s worth putting a few things on paper.
5 Things to Look Out for When Making a Birth Plan
1. Don’t be too rigid with your birth plan
Allow some leniency in your plan in case things don’t go your way. Having a plan is the best course of action to prepare yourself for any endeavor, but giving birth is an entirely different animal… ANYTHING can happen.
If your birth plan is that you will not accept an epidural under any circumstance, but your baby’s heart rate spikes because of the stress you have from the pain (something that happened to me even though I did not have a “birth plan”), consider allowing medical intervention to help keep your baby, and yourself, safe from harm. The main goal should be to keep baby and mommy safe.
2. Don’t pressure yourself to make one if you’re unsure
Some mommas-to-be have complete trust in their doctors and don’t feel the need to have a birth plan, because they feel their doctors are on the same page when it comes to the delivery of their baby. If you’re one of those mommas, don’t feel pressured to make a birth plan. Allowing your doctor to make the majority of the decisions is okay too.
3. Don’t be afraid to change your birth plan
Sometimes what you thought would be best at the beginning of your pregnancy changes as your pregnancy progresses and you learn more about labor and delivery. It is absolutely okay to tell your doctor that your views have changed and that you’d like to change your birth plan. After all, this day is all about you and your precious little baby.
4. Don’t let anyone pressure you about making a birth plan
As I said before, a birth plan is not for every mommy-to-be, and it might not be the right decision for you. Having family members and friends weigh in on what you should and shouldn’t do can be very stressful, but remember that delivery day is all about you and your baby.
You’re the one who has been carrying this baby in your belly, and only you know what’s best for you and your precious gift. Take the information you get from family and friends with a grain of salt, and make your final decision based on your own intuition. As the saying goes, nothing is stronger than a mother’s intuition.
5. Be prepared for the unexpected
Sometimes everything seems to be going smoothly in your pregnancy, and one bad test can change your entire birth plan. One of my dear friends had a horrific birth experience that I will not go into. She had a birth plan in place for her entire pregnancy. Because her pregnancy resulted from in vitro fertilization (IVF), she had spent years planning for the birth of her child before actually becoming pregnant. Then things took a turn: her blood pressure began to rise as she moved into her third trimester.
Unfortunately, after many unsuccessful induction attempts, she had to throw out her original plan of a vaginal birth and take her doctor’s advice to have a C-section. Apart from everything else that went wrong, her baby was safe, and she was eventually brought back to health.
The point is, labor is extremely unpredictable. Sometimes nothing in your birth plan goes as planned, and an entirely new plan is needed to keep you and your baby safe. The key thing to focus on when developing a birth plan is keeping yourself and your baby safe and healthy, whatever steps it takes to get there.
What to Include in a Simple Birth Plan
If you decide to make one, keep it short (one page is plenty) and talk it over with your doctor or midwife before the big day. Here are the basics most mommas think about:
- Who you want in the room, and who you’d like to be your main support person.
- Pain relief preferences: whether you’re open to an epidural or other options, and how you’d like to be asked.
- Comfort during labor: moving around, music, dim lights, your own gown.
- Right after birth: skin-to-skin, delayed cord clamping, who cuts the cord, and feeding plans.
- If plans change: what matters most to you if you need a C-section or other intervention.
- Questions for your doctor: I’d add, “Who will actually be with me while I labor, and when will you be there?” Trust me on this one!
And then (say it with me) be flexible!
A Few Things Worth Packing Along With Your Plan
Your birth plan doesn’t do much good sitting at home on the kitchen counter, so put a printed copy in your hospital bag. While you’re packing, a few extras make a big difference:
- A guide for your support person. If your support person is, like my mom, not exactly a natural-born labor coach, have them read The Birth Partner by Penny Simkin (the sixth revised edition) before the big day. It’s a complete guide to childbirth written for partners, doulas and other labor companions, so they know what’s happening and how to help.
- Your own labor gown. The Kindred Bravely Universal Labor and Delivery Gown opens in front for monitoring and skin-to-skin and in back for an epidural, has pockets, and works as a nursing nightgown after baby arrives. So much nicer than the standard-issue hospital gown. (Check with your hospital about what they allow you to wear.)
- An extra-long phone charger. Hospital outlets are never where you need them. A 10-foot cable like this Anker USB-C to USB-C 10 ft cable (2-pack) means you can text everyone the big news without leaving the bed. Double-check that USB-C fits your phone.
Birth Plan FAQ
Do I really need a birth plan?
No. Plenty of mommas go without one and have a great experience, especially if they trust their doctor. A birth plan is a tool, not a requirement. If writing one down makes you feel calmer and more prepared, go for it.
When should I make a birth plan?
Many moms start thinking about it in the second trimester and finish it in the third, which leaves time to go over it with your doctor or midwife at an appointment and make changes as you learn more.
How long should a birth plan be?
Short and sweet. One page, with bullet points, is ideal. Your nurses are busy, and a quick-to-read list is much more likely to actually get read.
What if my birth doesn’t go according to plan?
Then you’re in very good company, momma! Labor is unpredictable. A change of plans doesn’t mean you failed. The goal was always a safe mommy and a safe baby.
Can I change my birth plan later?
Absolutely. You can change it as many times as you want, even during labor. Just let your care team know.
Enjoy the Process
With all this being said, a birth plan is a great way to prepare yourself for the birth of your pride and joy. Bringing a child into this world is one of the most beautiful things a woman can do, and it is the biggest blessing. Having a plan doesn’t hurt, but stubbornly sticking to that plan can.
Finally, be mindful of all of the possibilities and enjoy the process. What comes after is a whole different animal to tackle! (When you’re ready for that part, my Newborn Must-Haves for Winter checklist is a good place to start, and if you’re still in the comfy-pillow stage, check out my 5 Pregnancy Items You Can’t Live Without.)
Good luck, mommas!
I’m a mom, not a doctor. Please talk through your birth plan and any medical decisions with your doctor or midwife.